Surprise!
Happy birthday, Daddy!
Make a wish!
I wish... I'm not going to tell you.
Come on, blow them out!
Give me some sugar, girl.
One more candle and the smoke alarm would've gone off.
The big 5-0.
You know, your beard's getting gray. Kind of makes you look old.
It's all right. I still love you.
Bye, Pa.
- Good morning! - Hi, Mrs. Murtaugh.
- Where's Rianne? - She's upstairs.
Good morning.
- That's my bacon! - It's mine now.
Don't you close doors around here?
Baby, what's this on my tie?
That is an ugly spot.
Thanks. Sharp as a tack.
I'm thinking of going on Jeopardy!
Just don't take any questions about cooking.
Don't step in the egg!
What am I thinking? I should have checked the floor for egg!
Do you know a man named Michael Hunsaker?
Jesus! Michael Hunsaker!
- What did he want? - Your office called.
He's tried to reach you for three days.
I haven't talked to him in...
...12 years!
Wait a minute.
That would make me...
...50!
That means that you're...
We're not gonna discuss that.
Forget the eggs.
- Roger? - Yeah, baby?
How come I never heard of Michael Hunsaker?
Just never talked about him.
Vietnam buddy?
Eat your own cake. Vietnam buddy.
Nick and the kids left without me.
He left without you? Come on, I never get enough of my baby.
This is my New Year's Eve dress. Do you like it? Isn't it cool?
It's beautiful.
Have a good birthday.
Goddamn heartbreaker!
I'll buy you a new one.
Perfect.
Happy 50th, Rog.
4-King-3-2 en route to the sniper call.
Everybody down!
Get down!
Look who's here.
- What do you got here? - Sniper.
- What's he doing? - Shooting kids. One officer's down.
The guy's a nut. He's still inside, and we can't get to him.
- You got SWAT team coming in? - No ETA.
Well, I'll see you around.
Let me through, let me through!
Nine years old.
Nine?
- How good a shot is this guy? - What?
Does he shoot at random? Does he shoot specific kids? What?
- At random. - And the weapon?
- Automatic and loud. - Any hostages up there?
Not that we know of.
Where you going?
Riggs.
Get the hell back here.
Get down! You'll get in the line of fire.
What are you, crazy?
Get out of here! He'll shoot you!
Mr. Sniper, sir!
Get away!
I'm still here, asshole!
Or do you only do kids?
Shut up!
Come on, move, move!
Clear the area!
You're one psycho son of a bitch...
...but you're good.
Happy birthday, Rog!
We got a hooker.
No, it's Dixie. Would you please tell these bozos to lay off?
You bozos, lay off.
Had a jumper here last night. She saw it happen.
Got her statement, send her home.
Thanks. I'm beat. You know how it is.
All dressed up, no one to blow.
You're hilarious! I can't believe you damn cops!
The jumper's name is Amanda Hunsaker.
Age 22.
Prostitute. One arrest, no convictions. Born in Tennessee.
- Parents... - What was the name?
The parents.
Michael and Claire.
You know them?
Find out who bought it, who's paying the bills.
- That will take some looking into. - So look!
Hello, honey.
Give me the number for Michael Hunsaker.
The man we talked about? Your Vietnam buddy?
- You just mentioned him this morning. - What's wrong?
His daughter just dove out the window.
I got it.
Good, huh? Tasty? Smooth?
- Yeah, that's good. - You better fucking believe it.
Let's do it. How much?
How much for how much?
For all of it.
- You want it all? He wants it all. - Beautiful.
- All right! - Maybe a six-footer to put it under.
You want a tree?
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you the best tree on the lot for nothing.
But the shit's gonna cost you...
...100.
That much?
That's a fair price.
You only live once.
Get this together here.
20, 40...
...60, 70...
- What the fuck? - Hey, man!
Shut up, I'm losing count.
93, 94, 95, 96...
Forget it, dumbshit!
One hundred thousand!
One hundred thousand dollars!
- Did you hear what he said? - A hundred thousand?
I can't afford that. Not on my salary. But look, I got a better idea.
Let me say I take the whole stash off your hands for free...
...and you assholes go to jail. What do you say?
I could read you your rights, but you already know what your rights are.
This badge ain't real.
You ain't real.
You sure are a crazy son of a bitch.
I'm crazy?
You think I am crazy?
I'll show you crazy.
That's a real badge, I'm a real cop and this is a real gun.
Okay, pal.
Noses in the dirt, assholes!
Where's your buddy?
What do you got?
Three down and one loose. He's got black hair and a red shirt.
Okay, let's go.
Freeze! Give me the gun! Up, up!
How's it feel, sucker?
Shoot him!
Drop it!
Shoot him! Shoot him!
- Shut the fuck up! - Shoot this prick!
Shoot him! Somebody shoot this prick!
Shoot me, shoot me.
Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Put them down!
- I warn you! I'm gonna shoot you! - Shoot him!
Shut the fuck up! Shut up!
Shoot me! Shoot him!
Get him out of there.
It ain't worth it.
Thanks.
Come on, Sam. Attaboy, attaboy.
Hey, guys.
Up you go, Sam. Come on.
How you been there, Sam?
Been catching mice today?
What kind of a day did you have?
You haven't been doing anything, you lazy son of a bitch.
I'll get you a sandwich...
...because that's all there is.
Beer for me.
Looks like turkey.
I got us a surprise here.
13-inch color TV set.
We can watch reruns of Lassie together.
Hey, wait up already!
Merry Christmas!
Deck the halls!
Joyous Yuletide!
I miss you...
...Victoria Lynn.
That's silly, isn't it?
I'll see you later.
I'll see you much later.
Once more with feeling, on three.
Damn it, Cooley. Do it on three, or go on the street.
Silent night
Are you telling me Riggs is playing a game?
Sure. He wants the cash. But he'll come around.
That's a very dangerous attitude to take, captain.
May I remind you, his wife of 11 years was recently killed in a car accident.
- He pulls his gun when he shouldn't. - I know all about him.
- Not enough. - He's a tough bastard.
He's on the edge. I'm telling you, he may be psychotic.
That's a bunch of psych bullshit.
You're making a mistake by keeping him in the field.
The man is suicidal.
You're sure of that diagnosis? You have no doubts?
There are no absolutes in life.
End of discussion. We're gonna wait.
If he offs himself, then we'll know I was wrong.
You're making a mistake.
Excuse me.
Asshole!
Roger, you're way behind the times.
The guys in the '80s aren't tough. They're sensitive people.
They show emotions around women and shit like that.
I think I'm an '80s man.
How you figure?
Last night...
...I cried in bed. How's that?
Were you with a woman?
I was alone. Why do you think I was crying? Merry Christmas.
Sounds like an '80s man to me.
- News on the Hunsaker case. - That was quick.
So was the autopsy. They're not calling it a suicide.
Surprise, surprise. The coroner found evidence she used barbiturates.
Brilliant detective work.
There were pills all over.
Right. That's not the surprise.
Surprise is, someone doctored the pills.
Every capsule was loaded with drain cleaner. She'd have died anyway.
This case stinks.
You know, you looked younger with the beard.
Thanks, captain.
You shaved the beard.
Some detective.
- Two more things. - Shoot.
The condition of the sheets indicates...
...someone else was in bed with Amanda. That's "A."
What's "B"?
"B" is, I'm to tell you you're breaking in a new partner on this.
Partner again?
Some cat on loan from Dope. Real burnout, on the ragged edge.
Perfect.
Gun!
Rog, meet your new partner.
I'm too old for this shit.
There are those who say you're a good cop.
I try.
I heard about your little stunt yesterday. Pretty heroic.
I pulled your file.
Said you worked in the Phoenix project in Vietnam. That right?
Assassination stuff. It's over, you know.
What is?
The war.
Yes, I know.
Just thought I'd remind you.
That's some serious shit you carry.
Be my guest.
.9mm Beretta. Takes 15 in the mag, one up the pipe...
...wide ejection port, no feed jams.
What you got?
Four-inch Smith.
Six-shooter?
A lot of old-timers carry those.
File also said you're heavy into martial arts.
Tai chi and all that killer stuff.
I suppose we have to register you as a lethal weapon.
Let's just cut the shit. We both know why I was transferred.
Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, so nobody wants to work with me.
Or they think I'm faking to draw psycho pension...
...so nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.
Guess what?
- I don't wanna work with you. - Hey, don't.
Ain't got no choice. Looks like we both got fucked.
Terrific.
God hates me, that's what it is.
Hate Him back. It works for me.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Mendez. - How you doing?
Did you pat him down?
- We went through this act already. - Go through it again.
Who are you?
That's hardly important, but you may call me Mr. Joshua.
Let's go.
Great, swell. Mr. Joshua, huh?
General, Mr. Mendez is here.
You call this music? I can get a better band for half the price.
I don't wanna hear any of this shit. Let's get it right.
Mr. Mendez, how are you?
I'm fine.
Where did you get him? Psychos 'R' Us?
I don't think you're funny.
I don't think this whole goddamn setup's funny.
You're using mercenaries. Tell me I'm wrong!
You're not wrong.
You expect me to trust these bozos?
My people are loyal. They are loyal to me.
Bullshit.
Do you smoke?
What does that got to do with anything?
Do you smoke?!
Give me your lighter.
- My lighter? - Your lighter!
Okay. Right here.
Here. Take it.
What the fuck is wrong with you guys?
Shut your mouth!
Shut up!
And don't move.
Mr. Joshua, your left arm, please.
Hey, you guys are fucking gone. You know what I am saying?
Jesus Christ, man!
You guys are fucking crazy, man. Come on!
Have Endo look at that, Mr. Joshua.
Yes, sir.
You wish to do business with us, yes?
Jesus Christ!
You wish to make a purchase, yes?
Yes, yes! Jesus Christ, yes.
You guys are out there like fucking Pluto, man. You're gone!
The heroin will be here Friday night. We'll make delivery at that time.
Have the money ready, and no tricks.
If you try anything, you'll have to talk to Mr. Joshua.
Yeah, right. Joshua. I got you.
Merry Christmas.
Yeah, right. You too, pal.
Mike...
...the autopsy report showed that Amanda was poisoned.
Even if she hadn't jumped, she'd be dead.
- She was murdered. - Murdered?
Jesus!
I can't take this. I just can't take this.
Why did you try to get in touch with me?
I heard that you were...
Somebody told me you were working out here.
I thought maybe you could get her out.
Get her out of what?
Get her out of the stuff she was into. She was making...
...videotapes.
Pornographic...
...videotapes.
I thought maybe you could just get her out, help her.
Easy, Mike.
You owe me, Roger.
Remember?
I remember.
I want you to find whoever's responsible for this...
...however many of them there are.
I know you can do it. Just find them and kill them.
I'm a police officer.
I don't give a shit you're a police officer!
Kill them! Just kill them!
Wait. Wait, Rog.
Come on. You find them and you kill them.
You can do that. You owe me.
Yeah, I owe you.
Gotta go, man.
What did he mean when he said you owed him?
We served together in 1965.
la Drang Valley. Saved my life. Took a bayonet in the lungs.
- That was nice of him. - I thought so.
- Want me to drive? - You're supposed to be suicidal.
Anybody who drives in this town is suicidal.
All units, possible jumper at Santa Monica and Orlando.
7- A-21, handle code 2.
- All units, come in, please. - Gotcha!
- What's the number of your car? - 3-William-56.
3-William-56 en route. I love this job! It's so exciting!
Copy. Police psychologist on the way.
Hey, boss, can we put the sirens on?
Guys, I'm glad you're here.
- Where's the psychologist? - In traffic.
Who is this guy?
Salesman named McCleary. He was at an office party and just went outside.
- You think he'll go? - Seems serious enough. Who knows?
- I can handle this. - You qualified?
- I've done it before. - You're elected.
- No guns, no jujitsu. Bring him down. - Roger.
10-4.
- Who are you? - Riggs, Homicide.
Yes, sir. He's over there on the end.
Merry Christmas.
Leave me alone! Please leave me alone!
Why you doing this?
None of your damn business!
Fair enough.
Look, I'm just gonna come out there, okay?
No, don't! You touch me, I'm gonna jump!
Take it easy, for chrissake!
I don't like this any better than you do.
I can't stand heights.
This makes me dizzy.
Just give me a chance to talk to you.
I'm gonna stand on the ledge with you.
Don't go. Not out on the ledge.
You're not the first guy to think of this, you know.
A lot of people got problems during this season.
- You know shit! - No, you're wrong, pal.
You know nothing! Don't touch me!
- Easy. - I didn't do anything wrong!
I know that. It's not like you're murdering anyone.
- That's right! - That's right.
The only one I hurt is me! Me!
That's right. I know you're hurting. I get it.
- Okay, now. Come on. - Don't come near me!
Give me a break. My boss is watching me.
I gotta make it look like I'm trying to save you.
Come on.
I'm just gonna stand here and talk to you. That's all.
You won't try nothing?
I'm square with you. I won't try a thing.
You think I want to fall off? I promise, I'll just talk to you.
All right.
Here, you want a cigarette? Come on, let's smoke, okay?
Go on, take it.
Take our time and both die of cancer.
I'd hate you to leave without me.
What are you doing?
See this key?
Bye-bye!
You're crazy!
You can jump, but you'd be taking me with you, making you a murderer.
- Bastard! - You'd be killing a cop.
I'd be killing a psycho nut cop!
But I'm still a cop. You coming in?
- I'm jumping! - Do you really wanna jump?
Do you wanna? Well, then that's fine with me. Come on!
Let's do it, asshole.
I want to do it.
Shit!
Let's go again!
Come on, it was great.
Help me! Help me loose!
He's trying to kill me!
Did you see that? He's out of his mind! He's crazy!
Those are my cuffs. I want them back.
- Don't you touch me! - What the fuck did you just do?
I controlled the jump! You wanted him down? He's down!
- Come here! - Come where?
Here with me!
Get in here!
Okay, no bullshit! You want to kill yourself?
Shut up! Yes or no? You want to die?
- I got the job done! - Just answer the question!
What do you want to hear, man?
That sometimes I think about eating a bullet?
Well, I do!
I got a special one for the occasion with a hollow point.
Make sure it blows the back of my goddamn head out! Do it right.
Every single day I wake up, and I think of a reason not to do it.
Every single day.
And you know why I don't? This is gonna make you laugh.
The job. Doing the job. That's the reason.
- You want to die! - I don't. I'm not afraid of it.
Here, take my gun. Don't nibble on the barrel, pull the trigger.
Be my guest! Go ahead if you're serious!
You shouldn't tempt me.
In your mouth. Bullet may go through your ear and not kill you.
Under the chin's just as good!
You're not trying to draw a psycho pension.
You really are crazy.
I'm hungry. I'm gonna go and get something to eat.
I don't know. He's hurting.
He's in pain. There's something eating away at this guy.
He's on the edge. I think Riggs has a death wish, that's what it is.
Terrific. So you're saying I should worry?
I think you should worry.
When he goes, you don't wanna be near him.
Thank you, doctor. You've been very, very helpful.
You're welcome.
I'm too old for this shit.
You hungry?
No! I'm not hungry.
- Want me to drive? - No! I'll drive!
- You get in that side! - All right. You drive.
You get a bad personal call?
What is it? Did the stock market crash?
Don't worry. Here, have a French fry.
Fifty years old. What a birthday. Goddamn, 50 years old!
Been on the force 20 years, not a scratch on me.
Got a wife, kids, house, fishing boat. I can kiss all that goodbye...
...because my new partner has a death wish.
My life is over.
Would you just shut up here!
Why are you talking to me anyway? I'm a dead man!
I was driving before you were an itch in your daddy's pants.
- I didn't know. - Know what?
That it was your birthday today.
It was yesterday.
Well, happy birthday for yesterday.
Sincerely. Happy birthday, man.
Thanks.
Maybe we'll stay alive long enough for me to buy you a present.
Don't thank me now.
It's the least I can do after all the kindness that you've shown me.
Are you gonna tell me where we're going?
We're together on this.
Beverly Hills. We got an address on Amanda Hunsaker's meal ticket.
Remember, he's not a suspect yet.
So we question him, not damage him.
I won't hurt. I'll let you do all the talking.
Let me do all the talking.
Experience counts here.
- You're not gonna smoke in the car. - Well, I am.
Does this bother you? I'll put it out.
It bothers me.
- Does it? - Yeah.
How about I open a window?
That's not the point.
I have to watch out for my lungs, exercise, take care of myself.
4241 coming up.
Bingo.
- Do we have a warrant? - We don't need one with the gate club.
Didn't take them long, huh?
Hey, guys, go on in! Make yourselves at home!
- Thank you. - Merry Christmas!
Don't need a warrant with an invitation.
I saw this place on Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless.
Get the door.
Nice and easy.
- Looks like the Garden of Eden. - Look at this!
Paradise.
Isn't that sweet?
I'm thinking probable cause.
Get the girls!
Okay, asshole!
Move! Come on! Get out!
Fast! Move!
Get your hands on that tree and face each other!
Hands in front of you!
- My leg, man! - Don't move, or I'll break your arm.
Got them!
Show me your hands!
Right now!
Put your hands out there!
See how easy that was?
Boom! Still alive. Now we question him. You know why?
Because I didn't kill him or jump off a building with him.
The building guy lived.
The point being, no killing.
- No killing, right. - Right.
Piece of cake. Now I'm happy.
Read him his rights. I'll stand here being happy.
He's got a gun!
You ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Well, I haven't killed you yet.
Don't do me no favors.
Don't you worry.
The coroner gave the body a ride downtown.
I guess we can get out of here.
I'm sorry about that shit I said out there.
You saved my life. Thank you.
I bet that hurt to say.
You'll never know.
Let's get a bite to eat.
Get my shoes on.
- Mom, Rog is coming. - Okay, Carrie.
Here's my little welcoming committee! Where's my daughter? Which one...?
- Come on, Daddy. - This one's my daughter!
Home, both of you. Dinnertime.
How are you doing?
I am doing all right. How are you?
Is that a crook?
No, this is my new partner, Martin.
- What's your name? - Carrie.
I'm glad you're home at a sensible hour.
Well, I try to be a sensible dad.
- Come on in, Martin. - Want the door shut?
Yeah, close the door.
Hello, Nick. Get your legs off the arm of the couch.
How you doing? Is Mommy in the kitchen? Let's sneak up on Mommy.
Hello, baby! I want you to meet...
I'd like you to meet Daddy's new partner.
- Martin Riggs. - How are you?
- This is my wife, Trish. - Pleased to meet you.
Martin's gonna join us for dinner.
- Roast okay with you? - What's for dinner?
We'll see what's for dinner.
This is a brown, sticky...
It's roast.
How's a brown, roast-like substance?
- Roger, you're being an asshole. - I try not to be.
- Want a drink? - What do you got?
We have Canadian Mist...
- You like Canadian Mist? - Honey, it's in the back.
How come we didn't have fish? I thought we had fish tonight.
Don't worry about the fish.
Getting defensive... Ever go fishing?
Not since I was a kid. I used to go spearfishing.
All I caught was a cold.
I got that boat out there.
Rianne, get the dessert.
Rianne! Your mother said get the dessert.
- Get the dessert. - Shut up.
Catalina Island.
Nothing exciting, but I catch my allotment. Not bad.
You can catch a few things out there. I caught my wife out there.
Nice fishing out there.
Mr. Riggs, want a tart?
Thank you, yes. Call me Martin.
Mr. Riggs.
Sit down.
Rianne, it's not the first time we've had company.
Could've fooled me.
My name is Carrie, I'm no fairy My sister's cheery
She's in love With this guy named Martin...
Nicholas!
Come on. It was really good! Wouldn't you say?
Yeah, Dad! Why don't you try it?
It was good.
Yeah, there you go.
I'm gonna find a partner My name is Roger
And I need to be "modger" And a secret "hodger"
You need some help.
I am awful.
Hey, sarge! Thanks for taking out the garbage.
But, honey, I'm entertaining our guest.
What do you think?
It's nice. You know anything about boats?
- I know how much they cost. - Can you sail this?
What's wrong with you? It's not a sailboat.
That's what I thought.
There's no trick to it.
That's the front, that's the back, water all around.
Why you gotta make things so complicated?
Thanks.
I don't. Things get complicated all by themselves.
You mean Amanda Hunsaker's murder, huh?
Did I mention that? I didn't.
Didn't have to. I can read your mind.
What's the matter with you?
- Why is there a problem? - There's no problem.
You got one dead girl, one dead guy.
The guy kills the girl.
We kill him because he wants us to be dead guys.
That's easy for you to say.
A sugar daddy is dealing drugs.
She said, did or saw something she wasn't supposed to.
He pitches her off the balcony into the sweet by-and-by.
That's why he came at us with a shotgun today.
I'm sorry. It's just a little too easy, too neat. I can't swallow it.
Of course it's neat. What's wrong with neat? I like neat.
By neat, you mean simple.
- You okay? - Watch out!
What button did you push?
What you doing? Where's my manual?
Is this what you're looking for, captain?
You asshole!
Didn't mean to interrupt an intellectual conversation...
What is it?
Mark asked me to a club tomorrow night.
- You're grounded. You know that. - Please, Daddy?
Which one is Mark?
- The blond one. - With pits in his face?
Those are dimples.
Pits. When he smiles, I can see through his head. The answer is no.
Rog, have a heart.
Hey, buddy. She smoked pot in the house. She's grounded.
Why can I have a beer, and I can't smoke a joint?
It's not coke.
I'll tell you why. Because now, at this moment...
...beer is legal, grass ain't. Right or wrong?
It's wrong.
Right.
They sit there drinking six-packs, and I get grounded.
I'm gonna go home.
Did we resolve anything here tonight?
Yeah, we resolved plenty.
We resolved that your wife takes out the garbage...
...your daughter smokes grass and it's illegal...
...and you don't know a lot about boats.
You got a hell of a nice family there.
Thank you.
I enjoyed the meal. Thanks a lot.
Bullshit. But thanks anyway.
You don't trust me, do you?
I tell you what.
You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody...
...especially me or yourself, then I'll start trusting you.
Fair enough.
I do it real good.
Do what?
When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from 1000 yards out.
A rifle shot in high wind.
Maybe eight...
...or even 10 guys in the world could've made that shot.
It's the only thing I was ever good at.
See you tomorrow.
Yeah, I'll see you.
You really like my wife's cooking?
No.
See you tomorrow.
Looking for something?
Aren't we all?
You affiliated with a law enforcement agency?
No. Get in the car.
How old are you?
- Twenty-two. - Bullshit.
- You like them younger? - The younger the better. How old?
Sixteen.
A hundred bucks. What'd you have in mind?
Well, I want you to come home and watch television with me.
That's all?
Yeah. Three Stooges are on in about 20 minutes.
- Are you serious? - Sure, I'm serious.
Get out of there, Burbank.
This is cute.
What have we got here? "Police evidence."
Here's Amanda.
Don't be shy.
Morning, Roger. Here, have some coffee.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the night Amanda Hunsaker died.
- How'd you get in? - Trish let me in.
- What time is it? - Daytime.
The night Amanda Hunsaker died, she...
What was the name of that hooker who witnessed the jump?
Come on, we gotta get up and catch bad guys today. Be real policemen.
I'll get a shower.
What was the name of the hooker that witnessed the jump?
- Century City isn't her usual turf. - Her name is Dixie!
Give me that cup. And get out of here!